Communicating with Understanding

Realizing that people can communicate well but when you also can understand, it takes that communication to the next level. Growth is what we always talk to about over here at "It's Me", and the evolution of communication is a big one these days! 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:15

Welcome back to It's Me, the podcast, with your host, Jasmine. I am very sorry that I had to change the schedule of the podcast this week. I really think that I'm always gonna just be not busy, and then lo and behold, every single time, your girl's busy. Your girl has something to do, and it's very overwhelming, and I get very tired and exhausted and depleted. But I'm here, I'm here, and I know it's Saturday, but at least I'm giving you something. I don't know what it's gonna be because I'm kind of cross-eyed, and I have a pimple that's literally taking over my right eye, and I think I'm gonna go blind. A lot is going on. I'm fine, I'm fine, but I really wanted to talk to you guys this week, just because I try to base these episodes off of things that are happening to me, and I often crash out a lot until I get over a situation. And I think a lot of people think that like crashing out means like, oh my god, you like care too much, or like you're too involved. No, for me, like I have to literally play this over and over, play things over and over in my head so that I can just like move on and then forget you ever existed or forget the situation ever happened. That's just how my brain works. And I got some validation the other day because someone said the exact same thing, and then that's what they do, like they crash out until they're good, they get over it. And I'm like, I love that. I thought it was I thought I was doing something weird. I'm not weird. I love that for me. So yeah, I was really honing in on this topic of communication last week and like kind of the week before. Um, and how I always I have I think I have like three episodes about communication on this podcast. But this one I think is like a more evolved now because I saw another post on social media talk about yes, communication is key, but communication without understanding kind of defeats the purpose. You know what I mean? So you can communicate until you're blue in the face, like you can literally talk to someone about things, but if there's a misunderstanding, if you cannot understand each other, there's there's like that's a fundamental just like fault in it. You know, that's a crack right there in that foundation. So if you can communicate, that's really great. It's you can say that you're a great communicator, that is important, but I think a lot of times, especially now in the age of social media and just like where we are, a lot of people can talk, a lot of people can communicate, but very few people can understand or take the time to understand, or take the time to communicate through a misunderstanding, and I think that all made sense, but that is what I've been navigating the past few weeks. Um I try to play things over and over again and try to see I'm like where did I misstep or where did they misunderstand in a situation? And I do a lot of the work a lot of other people don't do the work, and so I I won't do the work for them by any means, but like for me, it helps me in my growth. And I always tell you that you know, personal growth is so important and it's continuous, and it it's I don't think it's ever gonna end. Like I'm always gonna keep growing, so I always take steps back, look at situations. Of course, right off the gun, sometimes I can be just like very upset, but I don't hash it out to the person or the sit in the situation. Like I kind of sit for a second and I like to think about it because I know that sometimes if you don't think before you speak, you can say something you regret. And I'm a very big proponent on taking a beat and being like, you know what, let's let's revisit this in a sec, you know. But a lot of people either don't want that, they want to do it right there, or they just like give up. So there's varying situations that I've been in in when it comes to communication and me trying to communicate either boundaries, feelings, emotions, thoughts, where you know, the opposite party is just like either not willing to communicate in a way where like we could take a beat and so we can both come back at it, or um, they just want to give up on entirely, like it's too hard, which it does it feels weird sometimes because it doesn't feel hard. Some of these situations that I've bit found myself in, and I'm like, I feel like you just didn't like me, or you didn't really want to try, you didn't want to admit that maybe you misunderstood out of like embarrassment. I could not tell you. I honestly I would love to pick the brains of every single person that I've had these situations with, but that's you know, I don't care that much. But I did if I did go into that realm, that field, like I was like, I should have gone into like psychology because I would I'm so curious. And that's what I think people take advantage of. And that's where I find my flaw to be, and that's what I've been working on because I will give people the benefit of the doubt. I will keep uh, you know, giving them chances, you know, to have this communication, this misunderstanding rectified, right? And so, but recently as I've gotten older, I just like I'm like, I there's no point if they don't want to also put in the work. Why am I the only one who oftentimes isn't at fault for the miscommunication but wants to fix something or you know, wants to hash it out, why is it always put back on me? Like, why do I have to be the one to reach out? Why do I have to be the one to be like, oh, you know, I'm sorry, no, because most of the time it's not me. And if it is me, I will admit it. And I'm like, listen, I'm so sorry. I did this, that is my bad, blah, blah, blah. You know, like I can. And I think having people around you where you can communicate freely, where you can admit fault and not be judged, where you can speak your mind and not be shunned or like ignored. When I surround myself with more people like that, it makes it easier for me to walk away from the people who literally have cannot do it, and like won't won't challenge themselves to do it. We'll always think that they're in the right and that they, you know, cannot do no wrong and they don't have the time to fix whatever, whatever situation. So obviously, when I bring up these kind of topics, it's more relevant for me to kind of bring it into things that are I'm going through, right? So I'm single, I'm dating, I'm talking to people, and I I think it's educational for me. So I will never be mad at a miscommunication, a lack of communication, whatever it is, a misunderstanding. Like, I'll never be mad at it. I just try to learn from it and I try to grasp what I then need from someone in the future. You know what I mean? So, like, yeah, I will crash the hell out and be like, what happened? Why are you making me feel like I'm an actual crazy person right now? Because of the simplest, smallest thing that could have been wiped clean, we could have moved past it. And like, who knows what could have happened? Because again, I have, I believe I have so much to give in a relationship. So when something minute and small, like a blip like this happens, it just reaffirms to me that that person did not like me. You know, they did not think I was worth the time to correct or to talk through the simplest thing. Like literally the si it's baffling to me. And so from that, you know, I have to then take another step back. The growth that I had, it's very exhausting over here, guys. Okay, this is why I'm tired all the time. But then I take a step back and I have to remind myself that it is not me. I am able, I am more than capable of someone loving me. Like someone will love me, someone will like me, someone will love everything about me, someone will want to fix a miscommunication, fix a misunderstanding, and communicate through things that are seemingly very simple, you know, to fix, to do, because I am worth it. And so it's this huge cycle of like how many levels there are to communicating correctly, understanding the communication, and then just being willing to do all of these things. And it seems very simple, very basic, in my opinion, because that as humans, that's where that we're meant to do, we evolved into being able to communicate, to talk. You know what I mean? So, like to take advantage or take for granted that you have we have that ability. We have the ability to stop, think, process, speak to one another, and understand one another is like wild to me. I'm like, why wouldn't you want to take the time with the another human, not even someone you're interested in? Like, that's just like another level of like, okay, I thought you were interested in me, but I you clearly just could not care less. Love the journey. Um, so it's just there's it's to me, it doesn't make sense because I would rather talk something through in a very normal way, like no gaslighting, no blaming, like literally just back and forth, a very copacetic conversation. But some people just really lack the means, lack the wherewithal to do so. And I again will just remind you, myself, that I surround myself with people who I can do that with. So it's very easy now to step away, walk away from people who can't, and remind myself that that just wasn't for me and I wasn't for them. That's that's and that's totally fine. And these moments, it's it it does take a little while because I'm older. Um, it's exhausting, it feels repetitive, it feels like some days there is no hope, there's no light at the end of the tunnel, and I have to constantly remind myself that there is, that there's something, maybe hopefully, out there that will click, make sense, and be so beautiful once it happens. Uh, and I think I just have to take each lesson, each blip in the road as something to grow from, to learn from. And I do. And that's another part of me having this podcast. It's yes, I love to hopefully help you guys relate or get an insight or whatever into something. But for me, it's more of me talking through and trying to understand and remind myself of my worth, of my growth, where I've where I've been, where I'm going. And I I love that. I love that aspect of me having this little baby voice note podcast because it it really does. It helps me get through some some tough times that I don't really share with a lot of people. It's just like, and most of the time, it's just me talking to myself and trying to figure it out because I just I've always had to be that strong person. I have to get through it, figure it out. And so having this podcast, it kind of makes me feel like I'm opening up to whoever's listening, but also helping me hear that it's gonna be okay. Like hear the the reasoning and the logic. So it's it's funny also because I'm communicating and I'm understanding with myself. I sound crazy. I literally sound bad shit crazy. But I but you know, it doesn't make sense. Like I've had miscommunications within myself, within my brain, and I work through it, I talk through it, and I'm like, why can't another person? I'm like looking at people, I'm like, why can't you do this? Why was that so hard? Why am I, why does that feel like you it makes me feel like I'm not worth the communication, not worth the the time, but I am, and I think I have to remember to put that back on their plate. Like, you'll I'll keep doing the work, and if they don't want to do the work, if they don't want to see why or what was going on, then that's their issue, and that's totally fine. I love that journey for them. And then I think on the other spectrum, when you have like friendships where there is a deep just like misunderstanding of each other and and your communication when you like maybe thought you guys knew each other, it's very interesting when I feel like a general remote a general rule of thumb is to just like take a beat, take a step back. And like some people like can't handle that because they realize that like that maybe is like a little too mature. Maybe I don't know. I can't ever I have never been able to understand why people couldn't just like take a beat. You know what I mean? Like if I wanted to say, like, can you just give me a couple days? I want, I just want to make sure that everything makes sense before I like say it to you, like stuff like that. And people will completely disregard that because they want it on their terms. So like that's what I've dealt with on like the friendship aspect, and so like relationships aspect is more of just miscommunication and like not willing to work through a lot of friendship miscommunication, slash mish slash misunderstanding is a lot of like my terms or nothing. And then I again having had surround myself with beautiful friendships that were we have good communication and I can be myself and open up to people and you know tell them how what I'm thinking and they can do the same, that it makes it much easier at this point in my life to then walk away from things like that. And it's not that like I wish them ill will, I wish them the best always, but in my energy, in my aura, my circle, I need people who can communicate and also understand and also work through and not have ego there where we can just build the friendship. That's where the friendship blossoms, that's where the relationship can blossom, that's where you can see that the growth could happen within um a dynamic of two people. And so, yeah, I just it's I just it's a constant, stark reminder that you know it's I've not everything's meant for you. Not everything is meant for us, and what is meant for us will find us, and what is not will leave us, and it's time to move on to the next, next thing. It's hard though. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna sit here and be like, it's so I told you be in the beginning, I crash out for as long as I need to for it to literally then exhaust me. And then I'm like, I don't even want to think about any more good riddance, and then I forget they even existed, I forget the situation happened, and I can move on with my life, and I really love that for me. Love that for me. To sum it up, which I feel like I have been summing it up for the past 15 minutes, is really just communication without understanding is pretty useless. You need someone who or you need to surround yourself with people who can understand you or are willing to understand or push through a miscommunication. And then if someone can so easily walk away from you when there is a misunderstanding or a miscommunication, then that's you know, that's very telling, a very telling thing, and you've given them the opportunity. I say maybe if you want to give them like one more opportunity, that's on you. I was a people pleaser in a former life, so I gave way too many chances, and now I'm just like, nope, you showed me, and I'm good. I'm good. If you want to come back and try to explain yourself in a correct, proper manner, that shows me you want to work through something, that shows me there's growth there, that I'm not just like wasting breath, sure. Then okay. Uh, but I just want to say that you don't have to continue to chase them. You can really just take it face value, you know, and move on to the next thing. Obviously, very simply, communication is key, but it's not the end. There's more to it than just communicating. And then understanding takes self-reflection and a deeper work, and a lot of people don't want to do it. And I think that is the biggest part I want you guys to take away from this is not only am I trying to tell you that you know, understanding is is good for us, we need to be able to hear what people are saying and then understand and then digest it. You know what I mean? Like we can't just in one ear, out the other, or just say, Yeah, I'm a good listener, but like not really understand what someone's saying to you. So that is a very internal thing that you have to do. It's a takes a lot of work. Like, are you hearing something that someone's saying? Are you taking it in? Or are you just hearing what you want to hear? Do you know what I mean? Like, so it is a very personal situation when it comes to understanding that communication. As a person, you have to be willing to do that work. And like it's unfortunate that a lot of people don't want to, and then they just want to blame everyone else and put you know outward stuff instead of going inward. And then I want to say it's easy being the person who's so self-reflective. It's not, it sucks. It's like it's rewarding in some aspects, but goddamn, it gets lonely. Okay, it gets very lonely because it feels like you're the only one who understands what is happening. But then again, if you surround yourself with good people, which again, a lot of my podcast episodes talk about my friends surrounding myself with good people and me being able to explain this to them and walk, having them walk me through it, like what I'm saying to them, and then then I'm like, repeat it back to me and make sure that I'm making sense to myself. And they're like, No, you're making sense. And I'm like, okay, cool, cool, cool. So again, having level-headed people around you, people who understand and want to understand and communicate and all that is very important. And I just hope that you guys have that in your life so that it can be easier to then go out into the world if you're dating, if you're trying to find friends and find people who live up to that expectation, live up to that ability to communicate with understanding, which is so fudging important, folks. Okay, do not miss the understanding part of the communication is key. Okay. I hope to god that made sense. Honestly, could not tell you. Uh could not tell you. I'm very tired. But I thank you guys so much always for listening, tuning in whenever I decide to drop the podcast. And I just, yeah, I appreciate you guys so much. So I hope you're having a beautiful day, morning, night, whatever time it is, wherever you are. Till next time.